Forgiveness with a Twist

Our text today is in Ephesians 4 and we are talking about something you’ve all heard a million times. Forgive others.

Ephesians 4:31-32 (Read).

I was sitting there thinking, “I’ve heard about forgiveness a million times�? and begun to tune him out when God focused me.

His name was Ron Blanc, and he was the speaker at the Madera County Men of Integrity retreat. Through this man, God touched my life more than he has in a long time.

You see, up until that day, to me forgiveness was defined as “stopping my resentment or anger towards someone who offended me.�? Would you agree that is a pretty good definition?

Webster has a very similar definition. But I learned something that is deeper that Webster ever thought about going. If you take what I’ve learned and apply it to your life, I will guarantee that your life will be changed permanently.

After hearing that out loud, I think I may have a career in late night infomercial sales…

Ok, back to the importance of this. If you will forget everything you know about forgiveness, and learn the Biblical version of forgiveness, God will change your life forever.

Let’s read Ephesians 4:31-32 again. Through these two short verses, you can learn the same thing that I learned, and be changed forever.

In verse 31 Paul talks about various different things in verse 31 that either are sin, or they lead to sin.

In the beginning of verse 31, Paul does not say “Get rid of most of your…�? Paul says, “Get rid of all…�? All obviously means everything.

So in our lives Paul tell us to get rid of these things we are going to look at. They are no good in our lives.

As we go through these words that Paul uses, look at the progression from bad to worse

The first thing Paul tells us to remove is bitterness. Bitterness literally means a bitter taste, something acrid or poison. Think of eating a piece of rotten fruit, or spoiled milk. That is nasty, as is bitterness.

Bitterness is an awful trait to carry around with you. Have you ever met a bitter person? Everyone is always out to get them, they always get the short end of the stick, and they always have something to complain about.

These are bitter people, and you may have bitterness in your life. Get rid of it.

Bitterness leads to resentment. Have you ever been in a situation that was just a bad situation. Maybe the situation left you feeling a little bitter. Maybe you even felt resentment.

One time I got my oil changed, and that oil change came with a free car wash. My wife and I were sitting in the car going through the car wash. The guy that pre-washes the car with the brush was washing the windshield when he hit the windshield with the wooden part of the broom and cracked it.

It was just a small crack, but it had already started to spread. When we got out of the car wash I went inside and talked to the owner of the car wash. I explained the situation to him.

He told me, “My guys wouldn’t do that.�? So I told him I watched his guy do it with my own eyes.

To make a long story short, this owner refused to make any reconciliation about the matter. I was definitely bitter after that, and resented him for a long time.

That leads us to our next point.

The next thing Paul tells us to get rid of is rage. The Greek word for Rage is “thoo-mos�? from which we get the word “Thermal�? meaning heat. “Thoo-mos�? means “passion�? or an “intense feeling�?.

Bitterness (the offense) leads to Rage (resentment building inside you). The heat you feel when someone breaks your window and denies it. That is rage.

Think of it like a volcano. Volcano’s first have to exist, that is the bitterness that begins at the first offense. Then volcanos have to begin building under the surface. That is the rage.

Rage can be controlled, this isn’t yet the outbreak, but rage when not controlled leads to…in verse 31…Anger.

Anger is when things start to get bad. Anger is the outpouring of the rage that was building under the surface.

Anger is the liquid hot magma that is now pouring out of the volcano.

Anger is the time where this progression gets dangerous. Imagine that magma pouring out of the volcano. This magma destroys everything in its path. Magma is so hot that you can’t even stand by it or your will get burned.

This is a great example of anger. Let’s not be self-incriminating, but have you ever been around ANOTHER person who was angry? No matter what you do, that person is going to snap at you or yell?

Anger is dangerous at this point because this is where the magma comes out. Anger takes one of two courses right here. Anger turned toward someone else, as in homicide, and anger turned inside such as with suicide.

In Ephesians 4:26 Paul quotes Psalm 4:4 which says, “In your anger do not sin�?.

What do we learn from this? Paul tells us to “get rid of all…anger�? but also “in your anger do not sin�? it seems like a contradiction.

I believe that Paul is saying that anger is not inherently sinful. It is however, a very tight rope. To me, it is the same with drinking alcohol.

The Bible does not specifically condemn drinking alcohol (if you are the legal age) but it does tell us not to cause another brother to stumble. And for me, I look at which is more important. Let’s read 1 Corinthians 8:9-13.

Is it more important that the law says I can drink alcohol and the Bible doesn’t forbid it? Or is it more important that I set a good example to someone who might be watching me, even when I don’t see them?

That is why I have never drank alcohol, not even a taste. I don’t ever want someone to fall into sin because of something they saw in me, or saw me do.

That is also why we should avoid becoming angry. There is a direct correlation here. The definition of anger is “feeling or showing anger, wrathful�?. The definition of wrath is “strong vengeful anger�?. This is not something as followers of Christ that we should have in our lives.

That is what I believe Paul is trying to tell us. Paul says, “Get rid of all…anger�? and also says, “In your anger do not sin�?. Paul says to remove it from your life, but if it creeps back in, deal with it, don’t sin as a result of it being in your life.

That is the anger…or the magma.

The next step is slander and brawling. We will combine the two. Depending on what version of the Bible you read, you may not have brawling listed.

Slander and brawling is a dangerous time. This is the anger in action. This is the volcano that makes the news headlines which say, “Volcano destroys village!�?

This is the blasphemous attacks at the character level. This isn’t child’s play. This is flat out character defamation. These words and action are damaging and destroying.

But on the good side, these are just words.

Let’s move on to the end. “Get rid of all…malice.�? Do you know what malice means? This one is serious. Webster says malice is:
1 : desire to cause pain, injury, or distress to another
2 : intent to commit an unlawful act or cause harm without legal justification or excuse

This isn’t a laughing matter, when this progression leads to malice. Malice is the actual acts that we have been talking about, this is the physical attack on someone, suicide, homicide, or violence of some sort.

Why have we spent so much time on this one verse? Everyone, at one time or another will find themselves in the progression.

Whether you realize it at the anger stage when you are mad, at the slander stage when you are so mad you are yelling at someone, or at the malice stage when it is too late the physical damage has been done, everyone will find themselves in this progression of anger.

There is an answer and it lies in the very next verse, Ephesians 4:32.

“forgiving each other, just as in Christ God forgave you.�? How did Christ forgive us? He died on the cross for us. But Christ didn’t just die on the cross for us, he died on the cross for us before we even knew him.

Romans 5:8 says, “But God demonstrates his own love for us in this: While we were still sinners, Christ died for us.�? That is amazing. While we were still sinners Christ died for us.

So how do we do that, Eph 4:32 tells us to forgive as God forgave right?

Let me tell you a story about a man who had a young daughter. His daughter was 12 and went with a neighbor family on vacation to Lake Tahoe.

She went with this family as the baby sitter during the evenings when the parents wanted to spend time together alone. During the middle of their week long vacation one of the kids she was babysitting grabbed her new Bible her dad had just bought her and ripped the cover off of the front and the back.

This was the first nice Bible her parents had bought her, and she treasured it, and was obviously upset when the parents arrived home.

She explained that the baby had ripped the Bible and how upset she was because it was the first nice Bible she had received from her parents.

The mother of these kids yelled at her telling her that if she would have been doing her job and not reading the Bible that it would not have happened.

This 12 year old girl was upset and called her parents at 10 pm that night and told them the whole story. Her dad had to preach the next morning so he sent a friend on the 5 hour drive to pick up his daughter.

When she arrived at home he told her everything was going to be ok and that they would talk about it in the morning. When he got home that next morning, his daughter was still sitting on her bed, she hadn’t gone to sleep all night.

The father asked his daughter if she would like to forgive these people for what they did, and do something nice for them. The daughter agreed and they decided to bake a cherry pie together.

That day after the neighbors got home from Tahoe, this father and daughter took this pie to their neighbor’s house. The mother answered the door. The 12 year old daughter handed the lady the pie in a glass container.

The neighbor took the dish and slammed in down onto the cement shattering the dish and sending cherry pie everywhere. She then proceeded to slam the door in their face.

As the father and daughter walked back across the street to their home, they stopped and sat on the curb and the father asked his daughter “If the same situation happened again, would you do the same thing? Would you still show forgiveness when you have a justified right to be mad?�?

The daughter answered “Yes�?. That is forgiveness like Christ forgave. The father in this story was our speaker at the men’s retreat Ron Blanc, and his daughter is now in her 40’s.

How does forgiveness like this work? How did God through Christ forgive us?

God forgave us before we ever sinned. He knew that we would sin when we were alive, and he forgave us before we were even born.

Here is the life changing principle. If you are going to be able to forgive like the bible calls us to do “forgiving each other, just as in Christ God forgave you,�? we have to live a lifestyle of forgiveness.

That means that no matter what happens we are more prepared to forgive someone than we are to get mad.

You’ve already forgiven someone before they’ve even offended you. Christ forgave us before we had sinned, and in order to forgive like Christ we have to be forgive others before they offend us.

Before the pie hits the floor, you need to know how you are going to react, and the bible tells us that our reaction should be one of forgiveness.

Salvation invitation – you have received forgiveness whether you accept it or not. The price has been paid whether you accept it or not.

You were forgiven before you were born.